It's Not About the Weight

I think I have heard every diet tip on the planet. To name a few:

• Drink lots of water
• Brush your teeth more often
• Chew gum
• Don't eat in front of the television
• Have raw veggies to munch on while cooking
• Don't eat after 7:00 p.m.
• Include a couple of snacks in your day
• Make sure you get healthy oils (olive, canola, etc.)
• Drink your milk
• Avoid caffeine
• Limit sugar
• Limit fat
• Limit trans fats
• Limit carbs
• Stay active
• Don't deny yourself your favorite foods, just limit the quantity

Blah, blah, blah...

I remember sitting in a Weight Watchers meeting one time. Next to me was a man who had lost over 100 pounds, and had kept it off. I was so impressed, I could hardly contain myself. The thought of being that disciplined just astounds me. (Hell, the thought of losing 20 sounds impressive to me.)

The holidays were coming up, and the lecturer had a big calendar in the front of the room. She said, "Let's decide which days we're going to allow ourselves to induldge and eat whatever we like. As long as we stick to only 2 or 3 days over the course of the entire holiday season, we should be fine."

I wondered what planet she came from. I began to cry. If I could decide which days I would overeat, I wouldn't be here, goddamnit.

That's when I knew I really had a problem. And worse, it was a secret. Because people looking at me from the outside would never really know. I'm not obese, though my weight fluctuates like the east-coast temperatures.

It's not about the weight.

It's not about the weight.

It's not about the weight.

I'm going to the gym. Right now. It's that "just put one foot in front of the other" thing.