Getting my Groove Back

Okay. So... here's the deal.

I am in Week 3 of my "try to ease into it" phase of food management.

The goal is to move my body a little more, and eat a little bit better, without the commitment to a full-on recovery plan, which I know I'm not ready to make.

I have attended 5 consecutive scheduled classes at the gym without a miss. My instructor notices and comments. My runs are coming along, and my distance is getting closer to my previously consistent 4.5 miles.

I am packing salads and eating at least one really healthful meal each day, with lots of fruits and veggies. Still snacking a little too much.

My weight is stable and maybe creeping down at a snail's pace, but the fact that I've stopped the uphill climb is a victory in itself.

My stomach feels puffed up and my muscle-tone is like jello.

It's a game of chance - what will push me over that edge to a commitment this time? A date? A trip? A number on the scale? The unkind three-way mirrors at Nordstrom?

Motivate Me

I'm sheepishly posting this after midnight, as though I can sneak in quietly when no one is around and admit my shortcomings in the dark.

Let's just put it on the line... 10 pounds found their way back onto my body.

I have lots of reasons and excuses. None of them matter.

I'm not sure if I'm really ready to commit to this again, but I'm hoping that a public post will give me a kick in the butt and get me going again.

I'm on the fence - I just know it. What is the magic that moves me?

You're Never Too Old to Look Great

I’m officially down 19.2 pounds at Weight Watchers. This summer’s vacations have definitely discombobulated me. Ironically, I actually lost weight while on the vacations, but re-entry into home life always triggers that mechanism inside me that thinks food will make me feel better. But… I’m still losing (albeit slowly), so that’s good.

I’ve decided I need to get a little more serious about my exercise regimen. In addition to adding two weight-lifting days to my weekly schedule, I’m also planning to increase my running plan. I replaced my worn-out sneakers with Asics Gel Nimbus running shoes (on zappos.com) and joined Map My Run to plot some outdoor routes for variety and challenge.

The shoes arrived at about the same time as this cold/allergy/whatever-it-is, so I’ve yet to try them out, and I’m chomping at the bit to give them a whirl.

Vacation photos are a cruel reminder that while I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, I am not finished yet. In fact, 10 more pounds may not cut it.

My immediate goal is to get my 20-lb. star from Estelle at the next WW meeting. Following that milestone, another 10-lb. drop will take me to my formal “goal,” and I will need to decide at that point if I want to stay put or keep going.

I’m afraid I won’t be able to lose more than 10 pounds, so, rather than fail, I set my sights low. I just can’t visualize being that thin again. Moms aren’t supposed to be thin and sexy, right? If I feel too sexy, maybe I’ll act inappropriately or want to dress like girls half my age. I’m damned to these matronly tankinis now, aren’t I? Shouldn’t my body match?

Ugh… stuck in the muck… how do I get rid of these pesky beliefs?

Week 14 Update

Wow - it's been awhile since I've posted here. I guess you might infer that I've fallen off the wagon, but no, it's not true.

Officially, at Weight Watchers, I am down 18.4 pounds. Unofficially, since I lost a tiny bit before I began the program and I weigh myself nude first thing in the morning, I've lost 20.

Yay, me.

I can tell that my habits have truly changed. Eating better and exercising has become a subconscious thing that just happens every day, whether I intend it or not. Of course, I know for sure that I'm on the edge of a slippery slope, and one false move could send me tumbling down the mountain, quickly and painfully.

I'm convinced that losing weight is really just a mindset. I am not "thinking" fat anymore. I see myself thin. And I am getting thin.

I bought new jeans last month in a smaller size, and this week I had to throw them in a hot dryer to shrink them up to fit. Imagine that.

I have noticed, though, that my body remains untoned, despite my regular running schedule. I've decided to add in (to start) two days a week of weight-lifting to increase my muscle mass and tone my loose parts. I'm a little concerned that it might affect my weight loss efforts, at least in the beginning, but I think it's necessary in order to achieve the body I want to have.

I am going to Mexico in a couple of weeks with my best girlfriend. I already bought two bathing suits, and I think I look pretty damn good in them, considering I felt like a cow in March.

I still hope to reach my goal in September, just in time to perform with the Washington Redskins Cheerleader Alumnae at the Redskins vs. Rams half-time show.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

As stressed as he makes me feel, that's how great I'm going to look!

Yesterday was my son's birthday, and I took the kids to the park for a surprise picnic. While I limited the number of choices, I did not skimp on traditional, junk-food picnic fare. Chips, soda, deli-meat, and the chocolatey goodness of bakery brownies.

We had so much fun, the food ended up being an after-thought, and I'm sure I stayed within my points, even though I had given myself permission to indulge this day.

I went home and talked to a good friend on the phone for hours while I cleaned out one side of my garage so I could fit my new car in it. Before I knew it, it was dark, and I had missed dinner. I had a low-point snack and went to bed.

Today I need to haul some of the garage junk to the dump. This decluttering project isn't just about my body, after all. Letting go of the past... facing my fears... doing something instead of merely thinking about it... that's the way it works, isn't it?

I'm excited to weigh in tomorrow. Should be another loss for my body - another big gain for my spirit.

As stressed as he makes me feel, that's how great I'm going to look!

Shiny and New

Darling Estelle just keeps me going. The vivacious Weight Watchers leader motivates me with every inch of her 4-foot-something body. Today was meeting day, and I lost another 2.5 pounds.

It works if you work it.

I have no doubt now that I will reach my goal this summer. I'm so excited, and I really do feel terrific already.

On Saturday, I went to see an old friend of mine from my former gym. He's a pretty honest fellow, and admits he "has no filter" on his mouth. He hasn't seen me in a couple of years, and despite my weight loss, I still weigh much more than I did the last time he saw me.

He told me I looked great.

I tried to deflect the compliment and insisted I weigh much more now than I did before, but I'm losing steadily and feeling good.

He told me I looked great.

As I tried to let the compliment wash over me and soak in, he went on to say that the last time he saw me, I didn't look so good. But now, he said, I looked "shinier, or something."

I can't think of a better compliment than that.

As stressed as he makes me feel, that's how great I'm going to look.

Weight Watchers - Week 7 Update

On Mother's Day, I did some running - 10 miles worth. I still can't believe it. I hopped on my treadmill, and I just kept going. Five miles in the morning and five in the evening. I feel like a million bucks. I'm, like, a runner now, for godsakes.

I'm down about 13 pounds, and I can see a change. I've taken 4 inches off my waist, and most other measurements are down about an inch. (I didn't have the heart to measure my poor bustline.)

A coworker came into my office yesterday and asked me some questions about my gym membership. I answered, and then said she had been wanting to tell me since she saw me first thing in the morning that I look so great and fresh, and she had decided she wanted to do whatever it was that I was doing! :) Now, that's a compliment!

A side-effect, perhaps, is that my sex drive has gone through the roof, and I'm not even having any. I just feel that "on the edge" feeling almost constantly.

Today I had to add a belt to my jeans to keep them up, and the buckle isn't even making my shirt poke out like I have some alien growth on my abdomen. Woo-hoo!

My attitude, my spirit, my outlook... everything has changed along with my body. It's wonderful and amazing. I realize I still have 20 or so more pounds to go, and I can't even imagine what that will feel like. But, I can visualize it, and I do believe I can do it this time.

As stressed as he makes me feel, that's how great I'm going to look... and feel... and... BE!